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Now is too early to give up

Obama lied. The sun didn’t rise again. Not in Plattsburgh, and not in my heart. Mother Earth is weeping, for we are killing her slowly, and taking ourselves with it, and this country has proven that it does not care.

This is not the America I want to live in. This is not the America I want to be proud of. This is not the America I want to believe exists.

This is an America where I fear for my mother leaving the house, even though she has been a legal immigrant of this country for longer than I’ve been alive.

This is an America where I’m ashamed of the injustice my LGBTQ+ friends will suffer just for being who they are.

This is an America where I’m scared that my friends’ lives will be put in danger just because of their religion.

This America is terrifying. This America wants me to puke. This America wants me to wake up and see it was all a bad dream. But it wasn’t, and I’m awake, and it’s real, and all I want to do is curl up in a ball in bed and cry, cry, cry.

To everyone who voted for Trump, I’m going to say something I will probably regret, but I am embarrassed by you. To my Republican aunts who think he will make this a God-fearing country with freedom of religion, I hope you’re happy that my Muslim friends will fear for their lives. To that scrub tech and senior surgical resident who said they were voting for Trump if Hilary got the endorsement, you don’t get to point fingers at Hilary when you filled out the election day ballot. To that neighbor who verbally abuses my mother just because she looks different, well you won, we’re probably moving away soon. And to those of you who abstained, you are the worst of all.

I kind of hope America destroys itself just so that you can see what monster you’ve created. I kind of hope you see how Global Warming will slowly kill your children and grandchildren. I kind of hope you see how good Obamacare was when you aren’t able to afford your diabetes or hypertension medications. I kind of hope you see how important gun control is when your loved ones are shot down by another psycho who shouldn’t have a weapon.

I have never before been filled with so much despair, hate, shame, anger, anxiety, and indignation. I want the madness to end, but it has not even started yet. I want to go back to those naïve days where I was the only yellow girl in the entire school, and the worst thing I ever encountered was that German kid calling me out as the China one. I want to keep hugging my mother, who has worked her fingers to the bone eking out a living for us here, only to be searching for Singaporean Permanent Residency applications after her siblings asked her to. That invitation has been extended to me as well. Unfortunately, I have to do residency here for four years, but my mother says I can start my application for citizenship now. Which is a shame, because my parents are in the middle of renovating the house, and I would have loved to stay in my childhood bedroom for life.

But not in this America.

Not in an America where hate trumps love. Not in an America that wants change so badly that they’re willing to erase all the progress this country has made. Not in an America where I have to call a racist, sexist, hateful bully my president.

But America, we can survive this. The apocalypse can be stopped. We can stand up against him. We cannot stand idly by and let him erase everything we hold dear about this country. I used to be meek, and I still sort of am, but I don’t want to tell my nieces and nephews that I did not search for water when our country was burning. I’ll start protesting, I’ll be more proactive, I’ll do everything I can to save the ideals I hold dear. I have to do something.

To my friends who are people of color, immigrants, Muslims, LGBTQ+, women, and any other type of oppressed minority, I am here for you. If you need to talk to someone, I am here for you. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I am here for you.

As nice as it would be to care for depressed rich people in Singapore for the rest of my life, I don’t want to give up on America just yet. My brother serves in the Army of this country, and my sister cares for the children of this country. I can’t give up yet.
I’m sorry this turned into a rant. And I don’t have a nice ending for it. But enough is enough. It’s time I did something with my life other than go through the motions.

Stay strong, America.

Most Sincerely,
Annette Liem

P.S. In other news, I’m in the middle of interview season for Psychiatry. I have Dartmouth on the 11th and UVM on the 15th. They’re my number two and one respectively just in regards to location. PLEASE LIKE ME, I’LL TRY MY BEST TO KEEP SMILING EVEN THOUGH I’M DYING INSIDE.